Introduction
This past year, I have experienced conflicts with my identity. Unforeseeable events have been occurring in my family which is thousands of miles away from me. The situation is beyond my control while I've been trying to 'fix' my broken family, This makes me feel tangled and disorientated in the present, and uncertain about my future.
I have been feeling like I am pulled back and forth between my new identity which was constructed during my time in the Netherlands, and the old identity I had when I was living back home, which is full of social obligations and responsibilities.
The RASL minor itself is a space for rethinking structures, which inspired me to rethink and re-imagine my future. But before that, I have to zoom into the present, because I realized that the reason why I have such immense conflict with myself is that I know nothing about who I am now. The chaos and mess surrounding me have discouraged me to give myself the space for self-reflection. I drown myself with work, achievements, and goals to avoid confronting myself. With the pain I have lived with the past few months and experiencing an open environment like RASl, I am thus inspired to use this archive as a space for myself.
Authentic Self-reflection: Liminal Space
...
To reflect on my present 'self', to re-imagine my future, and to possibly drive transformation. I have to enter a space in which I'm stripped to the bare minimum, in which I disregard the role and responsibilities that are socially constructed from an external force, and self-constructed over time. In this archive, I refer to this space as liminal space.
The word Liminal refers to the space beyond a boundary or threshold, in other words, it is an area of unknown. For me, liminal space is about transformation and 'becoming'. However, the goal and destination of the becoming are unknown. It is about the process and not the goal, the destination could only be found throughout the process. Without knowing the goal and destination, it makes the space a challenging territory. Yet, only in such spaces, the most honest and authentic observations could be made. This is why I decided to create a liminal space for myself in this archive.
In short, this archive is not only a reflection of self, it is in itself a liminal space created for me, and also a space that grows. By doing this research, it is a meditative way of processing thoughts. By treating this archive as a liminal space, I could review it whenever I feel lost and conflicted in the future. By utilizing it as a living archive, I could add onto whenever I have new though and ideas to process.
In this space, I live, but I also do not live; As I write, I also do not write; as I present who I am, I also silence who I am. The following quote from the movie The Matrix describes the liminal space I aim to create:
'I'm going to show them a world without you...a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world...where anything is possible. Where we go from there...is a choice I leave to you.'
(The Matrix, 1999)
Structuring and Creating the Liminal Space
...
The archive does not follow a specific method of research and presentation. By experimenting with the undisciplined method, I not only step out of my comfort zone, but also create a liminal space with context that is meaningful to me as there will be no limit as to how I create this space.
...
The first part: Re-Entering the liminal space: Construction of self and identity
Autoethnography with the aim to enter this liminal space to make sense of who I am. By rewinding on the past, I discover the journey that I took to becoming who I am today.
The second part: Between and Betwixt
A self-analysis of my current position of in-betweenness and confusion. It is a sense-making process where I reflect on my conflict with myself. By this, I aim to create an environment that may help me rethink the structures and paradigms that I am living with.
The last part: The search for Liminal Spaces - Spaces for re-imagining my tomorrow
A collection of liminal spaces, which in this case are physical places, moments, and things that gave me the opportunity to. This collection was made during the past month, nonetheless, the collection process will be ongoing. As I discover such spaces in the future, I will record them and add them to this collection. By doing so, I hope to discover more and more spaces in which I can have the courage to keep on discovering my authentic self.
Engaging the public through dis-engaging
...
The aim of this archive is to create a liminal space that I voluntarily enter.
By consciously placing myself in a liminal space, I research myself. The archive is thus created primarily for the audience of myself. I refer this to dis-engaging with the public as I am focusing on self, and the space that I need.
Please watch the audio which explains further on making-publics (the relevance), and why liminal space as a guiding concept->